Many people ask me how I managed to get to where I am today in my health journey. I decided to answer this question first. It is not an easy, clear cut answer or step by step course of action that is meant to be the receipe for anyone but me. I am sharing this journey so that others can take from it new ideas, options, ways of thinking and approaches to their particular life and health challenges.
Dr. Mona Lisa Schultz MD, in her book Awakening Intuition, writes, "Illness - A catalyst for change or just one of life's challenges "?
I personally believe that my health issues were a catalyst for change that challenged me to examine and restructure my values, thought patterns, belief structures, and my soul's purpose in this life. If I had not gotten sick I would have continued in the only way I know how, which was to keep pushing forward with my nose to the grind stone. I did this by working hard everyday helping people and animals while striving to attain the american dream.
My body, mind and spirit finally lead a full out protest and revolt. I had been pushing aside/burying the sign for years that I needed to do life differently. I needed to practice differently. I was different and the conventional ways of life and work that everyone was following was not good for me. Stubbornness, strong will and fear kept me moving forward until - gratefully - I was stopped in my tracks. My joints became swollen, stiff and painful. My brain shut down. My speech was affected. My coordination was compromised. It sure took a lot to finally to get me to stop. Yes, and as you all know, I still tried to push and work through the physical issues and hide it the best I could.
Working in some capacity with the animals helped me feel useful and take my mind off of my own issues, even if just for a while. I continued to work and push to prove to myself I was still in charge, still a strong athlete and person and still worth something. However, the time came when my own pain and physical challenges could not be blocked out and I felt they could compromise the care I provided. To completely stop working was a very hard decision. So much of our self worth and how people view one is wrapped up in our work. To stop working was the right decision. Looking back I see that it allowed me to finally focus only on me.
With the help of many talented practioners, friends and family I was able to get where I am today. With Cynthia Smith, a Functional Medicine practioner specializing in Nutrigenomics, I was able to identify some underlying genetic mutations and use nutritional supplements and diet changes to improve my cognitive/brain functions and begin to rebuild my badly broken down body. Once I could think, I could research the causes and figure out the solutions to my remaining physical issues. This was not something that the medical profession had been able to do. I was no longer waking up each day just trying to survive. I could now begin to recover. The years of taking lots of antibiotics, antimalaria and antiviral drugs took an enormous toll on my digestive tract and entire body. Not to mention the destruction of my joints and nervous system from the Lyme and autoimmune issues. Then, layer that with the emergence of the genetic mutations that surfaced when my body was at it's weakest and stressed. It was hard at times to distinguish if feeling terrible was the Lyme, viruses, autoimmune issues, drug side effects, die off, or the genetic mutations affecting me. Every day was a mystery that needed to be solved. Thank goodness I have always loved a good challenge and solving mysteries.
I am very grateful for my primary doctor throughout this ordeal, Dr. Lesley Fein MD. Her knowledge of the body, illness, ability to interpret labs, her desire to keep digging until she found an answer, and her vast knowledge of pharmaceuticals. I am most grateful for her open mindedness to see beyond conventional medicine and be open to other disciplines and options to assist her patients. I know I made her crazy on more than one occasion because I could lick a pill and get the most rarely published side effect. I appreciated her willingness to work with me on dosages even when she didn't believe that could work. She believed me and acknowledged the existence of my most bizarre symptoms and encouraged me that one day they would be gone. She gave me the reality of my situation even when I wanted to brush it off lightly. It was her quest to know more and help her patients get better that lead her to nutrigenomics and me to Cynthia Smith and the MTHFR support team.
Even a strong willed, intelligent person like myself couldn't have navigated through this ordeal with out the help of some very talented therapists. Dr. Jesus Salas, who gave me the skills early in this journey to be able to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Even when I did not think I was able.
Bari Bannister, my gift from heaven. I truly believe that my dog Zia brought me to upstate NY to work with Bari and heal on my land. Bari accompanied me into those dark crevices, pulled out, examined and worked through, threw out, and helped me to restructure my entire self. Because, obviously, the way it was clearly was not working for me. We looked at how accumulated past traumas and belief structures played a part in allowing a weakness in my system so that the illnesses could enter and thrive. The work was and is hard but well worth the effort. Bari's honesty, directness, and her skill of knowing when to push and when to go easy, along with her constant support and encouragement has gotten me to this point. I commend her patience in allowing me to take the time needed for me to "GET IT". It is because of her skills and our work that I can step forward and into MY life.
I also need to thank Dr. Todd Shatinsky MD, nonsurgical orthopedist, whose kindness, progressive thinking and explainations allowed me to grasp the reality of my physical limitations, compromises and future expectations.
The amazing Dr. Amada Carpenter, physical therapist. She has been a tremendous informational resource and wealth of knowledge. I appreciate her willingness to share her journey and her help in my physical recovery.
Dr. Kasmiri, spine surgeon, for being honest and Jennifer Enos for starting me down the genetic mutation pathway.
Dr. Mark Woodbury DC, a talented chiropractic neurologist who helped fix my nervous system.
Dr. Ray Moyer MD, knee orthopedist, that knew me well enough to have me pursue Lyme disease as the cause of my knee pain even when the conventional testing was negative. No matter how much I hurt or was broken, his gentle words, kind demeanor and magic examination hands fixed me without surgery.
I am indebted to my Zia who brought me to Stony Creek so we both could heal. She got me. She was by my side even when I did not want to be by my own side. She would keep me safe in the woods and bring us home when I was lost.
Grateful for my Spike who has faithfully taken me for a walk every day and encouraged and accompanied me on all of our naps.
And finally, to Eve for sticking it out during sickness and health, through the good times and the bad.
Yes, this journey has taken a village. Thank you each and everyone for their prayers and well wishes.
I will continue to write about specific aspects of my process in future posts.
