It Took A Village ...

Many people ask me how I managed to get to where I am today in my health journey.  I decided to answer this question first.  It is not an easy, clear cut answer or step by step course of action that is meant to be the receipe for anyone but me.  I am sharing this journey so that others can take from it new ideas, options, ways of thinking and approaches to their particular life and health challenges.

Dr. Mona Lisa Schultz MD, in her book Awakening Intuition, writes, "Illness - A catalyst for change or just one of life's challenges "?

I personally believe that my health issues were a catalyst for change that challenged me to examine and restructure my values, thought patterns, belief structures, and my soul's purpose in this life.  If I had not gotten sick I would have continued in the only way I know how, which was to keep pushing forward with my nose to the grind stone.  I did this by working hard everyday helping people and  animals while striving to attain the american dream.

My body, mind and spirit finally lead a full out protest and revolt.  I had been pushing aside/burying the sign for years that I needed to do life differently.  I needed to practice differently.  I was different and the conventional ways of life and work that everyone was following was not good for me.  Stubbornness, strong will and fear kept me moving forward until - gratefully - I was stopped in my tracks.  My joints became swollen, stiff and painful.  My brain shut down.  My speech was affected.  My coordination was compromised.  It sure took a lot to finally to get me to stop.  Yes, and as you all know, I still tried to push and work through the physical issues and hide it the best I could.

Working in some capacity with the animals helped me feel useful and take my mind off of my own issues, even if just for a while.  I continued to work and push to prove to myself I was still in charge, still a strong athlete and person and still worth something.  However, the time came when my own pain and physical challenges could not be blocked out and I felt they could compromise the care I provided. To completely stop working was a very hard decision.  So much of our self worth and how people view one is wrapped up in our work.  To stop working was the right decision.  Looking back I see that it allowed me to finally focus only on me.

With the help of many talented practioners, friends and family I was able to get where I am today.  With Cynthia Smith, a Functional Medicine practioner specializing in Nutrigenomics, I was able to identify some underlying genetic mutations and use nutritional supplements and diet changes to improve my cognitive/brain functions and begin to rebuild my badly broken down body.  Once I could think, I could research the causes and figure out the solutions to my remaining physical issues.  This was not something that the medical profession had been able to do.  I was no longer waking up each day just trying to survive.  I could now begin to recover.  The years of taking lots of antibiotics, antimalaria and antiviral drugs took an enormous toll on my digestive tract and entire body.  Not to mention the destruction of my joints and nervous system from the Lyme and autoimmune issues.  Then, layer that with the emergence of the genetic mutations that surfaced when my body was at it's weakest and stressed.  It was hard at times to distinguish if feeling terrible was the Lyme, viruses, autoimmune issues, drug side effects, die off, or the genetic mutations affecting me. Every day was a mystery that needed to be solved.  Thank goodness I have always loved a good challenge and solving mysteries.

I am very grateful for my primary doctor throughout this ordeal, Dr. Lesley Fein MD.  Her knowledge of the body, illness, ability to interpret labs, her desire to keep digging until she found an answer, and her vast knowledge of pharmaceuticals. I am most grateful for her open mindedness to see beyond conventional medicine and be open to other disciplines and options to assist her patients.  I know I made her crazy on more than one occasion because I could lick a pill and get the most rarely published side effect.  I appreciated her willingness to work with me on dosages even when she didn't believe that could work.  She believed me and acknowledged the existence of my most bizarre symptoms and encouraged me that one day they would be gone.  She gave me the reality of my situation even when I wanted to brush it off lightly.  It was her quest to know more and help her patients get better that lead her to nutrigenomics and me to Cynthia Smith and the MTHFR support team.

Even a strong willed, intelligent person like myself couldn't have navigated through this ordeal with out the help of some very talented therapists. Dr. Jesus Salas, who gave me the skills early in this journey to be able to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Even when I did not think I was able.
Bari Bannister, my gift from heaven.  I truly believe that my dog Zia brought me to upstate NY to work with Bari and heal on my land.  Bari accompanied me into those dark crevices, pulled out, examined and worked through, threw out, and helped me to restructure my entire self.  Because, obviously, the way it was clearly was not working for me.  We looked at how accumulated past traumas and belief structures played a part in allowing a weakness in my system so that the illnesses could enter and thrive.  The work was and is hard but well worth the effort. Bari's honesty, directness, and her skill of knowing when to push and when to go easy, along with her constant support and encouragement has gotten me to this point.  I commend her patience in allowing me to take the time needed for me to "GET IT".  It is because of her skills and our work that I can step forward and into MY life.

I also need to thank Dr. Todd Shatinsky MD, nonsurgical orthopedist, whose kindness, progressive thinking and explainations allowed me to grasp the reality of my physical limitations, compromises and future expectations.

The amazing Dr. Amada Carpenter, physical therapist.  She has been a tremendous informational resource and wealth of knowledge.  I appreciate her willingness to share her journey and her help in my physical recovery.

Dr. Kasmiri, spine surgeon, for being honest and Jennifer Enos for starting me down the genetic mutation pathway.

Dr. Mark Woodbury DC, a talented chiropractic neurologist who helped fix my nervous system.

Dr. Ray Moyer MD, knee orthopedist, that knew me well enough to have me pursue Lyme disease as the cause of my knee pain even when the conventional testing was negative.  No matter how much I hurt or was broken, his gentle words, kind demeanor and magic examination hands fixed me without surgery.

I am indebted to my Zia who brought me to Stony Creek so we both could heal.  She got me.  She was by my side even when I did not want to be by my own side.  She would keep me safe in the woods and bring us home when I was lost.

Grateful for my Spike who has faithfully taken me for a walk every day and encouraged and accompanied me on all of our naps.

And finally, to Eve for sticking it out during sickness and health, through the good times and the bad.

Yes, this journey has taken a village.   Thank you each and everyone for their prayers and well wishes.

I will continue to write about specific aspects of my process in future posts.

A New Way of Thinking

I have always looked to science, facts and figures for the answers to problems.  As a chiropractor/bodyworker, I have looked to the anatomy, physiology, neurology to figure out what was wrong with a patient (or myself).  It was in the science that I would figure out the system or systems of the body that were not functioning properly and use the knowledge to assist that patient’s health process.  This method of healing required hands on techniques directly to the affected areas.  My thinking was that the body was not functioning at optimal due to either a sudden trauma, repetition overuse, poor body mechanics, compensation for some other areas not working at it’s best.  All these ideas of the causes of the dysfunction are based in the physical body.  That premiss was challenged early in my career and then repeatedly with my own health journey.  I guess I wasn’t getting the message and needed more first hand experience.  I only wish I was a quicker learner when it came to this area.  The problem was, that I always used this method of thinking  - If I have a problem with my physical body then something in that physical body was not functioning properly leading to the pain or dis-ease.  But, could it be that my owns thought patterns were the root cause.  My mind was causing the changes in my body?  How could that be?  I was taught it took years of destruction in a low back to affect the mechanics of how the disc functioned.  And, over time the disc and joints become compromised until one day - BAAM! - a bulged disc and sciatica.  Yes, but, that does not explain the young, heathy, fit man with no previous signs or symptoms that steps out of the shower and experiences sudden sever low back pain and leg pain that dropped him to the floor.  He managed to get himself up and to the office.  After a thorough history, X-rays and exam it was determined that he had a Lumbar 4 and lumbar 5 disc bulge.  Why and How ?  This did not make sense to me how a healthy man would get this condition for no apparent reason.  In my quest to understand these types of scenario’s I found a book by Louise Hay called “You Can Heal Your Life” or "Heal Your Body" and another book called “ All is Well ” by Dr. Mona Lisa Schulz MD.  These books explore the idea that our thoughts affect our bodies.  Mona Lisa Schultz says that “body symptoms become the language that tells us we need to change”.  She also goes on to say that “Chronic, degenerative disease involves fear, worry, hopelessness and feeling that you’re not good enough”.  In Louise Hay’s book she lists named illnesses/conditions and the thought patterns that can lead to that condition.  She then gives you an affirmation to say to help to reprogram your thought patterns.  Buy reprogramming your thought patterns you can reprogram the effect those thoughts are having on your body.  You can even affect your DNA ( let’s leave that topic for another day).

So, back to the patient with the bulging discs.  On day 3 of treatment as I was palpating his back, a strange thought popped into my head.  Could there  be an emotional component to his problem since there was no physical evidence prior.  He seemed like a very stable, professional man.  But, obviously something had to have rocked his boat to cause such a dramatic shift in his body.  Then I remembered from Louise Hay’s book that Lumbar 4, and lumbar 5 relate to issues of family and  security.  I said to Mr. X that I have been using science to try and explain why this happened to you and I haven’t found any explanation that I am satisfied with.  What I do know is that something in your life suddenly was turned upside down in the last week.  This news caused you to feel like the rug was pulled out from under you and your stable, secure world was shaken.  Mr. X turned his face upward from the table and said - WOW !  My wife told me she wanted a divorce the day before my back went out.  I was shocked, amazed, and delighted that now we knew the cause and could fix it.  Prior to this conversation the prognosis and treatment plan was the usual adjustments, ice, stretching, then PT for he next several months.  But now, that all changed. It changed because we now knew the root cause.  So I gave him the affirmation from Louise Hay’s book and we personalized it for him.  Now he was on the path to heal his body and mind.  It was 4 days later when he came back into the office 80% improved.  He took control of his health and life and was on a path to once again feel safe and secure.

I do continue to struggle with this concept, especially when it comes to my own health.  When my hips are loose in the sockets, bursitis, pain and instability there must be a neurological, biomechanics reason for it.  So, I research, poke and prod myself to the find the scientific medically based answer.  Yes, I get some improvement with the appropriate PT and various treatment.s  However, it is still a problem and affecting every aspect of my life.  Then, I am once again reminded that there could be another cause - my own mind and thought patterns.  Louise Hay says that hips are what carries the body forward in perfect balance. Fear of moving forward or not having anything to move forward to. Wow, how true.  I have been feeling my life has no purpose, no direction, like I am in limbo.  So, I work on that with my therapist, lots of conversations with Spirit, and start to implement the Louise Hay affirmations. The affirmation I used was, I am in perfect balance.  I move forward in life with ease and with joy at every age.  Hip Hip Hooray - there is joy in every day.  In 3 days my hips feel different, they feel more secure.  Now, I can begin to heal and strengthen the muscles and  ligaments that have been damaged.  I still have to address the physical manifestations in my body because that are real.  By knowing the root cause and addressing that then the healing will be on a deeper level.

I found this website that might help to clarify some of this new information and give you more resources.

http://www.enlightenedfeelings.com/symptoms.html

Resonance

Who came up with the idea that you had to work hard to achieve what you want in life?

Maybe we are working hard because we are pushing to achieve what we think we want.

If we are in harmony with our divine plan maybe it would be easy - almost effortless?

If we are in tune with the divine then we would be in resonance with all we need.  It would just show up.  Kind of like when you put a magnet in a pile of metal shavings and the shavings all line up around the appropriate pole of the magnet.  The opposite pole has no shavings; in fact, they have been pushed away and are all scattered in various directions. Surely you can manually gather up the shavings but they will never be attracted to the magnet.  It will take time, energy and effort to keep them there.

Just because we have the physical, mental or emotional power to do something does not mean it is the best thing for us to be doing.

When we are in the current of life, going along on our divine path it can seem almost effortless.

I remember riding a kayak down the river a that the Lehigh Gorge.  When I stayed in the main channel of the river my only job was to keep the boat straight and the river current kept me moving forward. Yes, I still had to participate in the process, otherwise I meandered off course and it took a lot of effort to get back into the flow.  As long as I was in the channel, the river kept me moving in the correct direction.  Maybe life is the same.

WHAT DRIVES YOU ?

Have you ever stopped to think what is your motivation to get up everyday and put one foot in front of the other? What is your motivation to rise up after a challenging event in your life?  What is it that let’s you dig down for that little extra?

Recently, I began to explore this concept. I have had many opportunities to call on that extra and was wondering where that little extra came from.

In the movie the Last Dance, Patrick Swayze is an older injured dancer frustrated that he can no longer do all the power dance moves he once did. He did those moves even when he was injured and in pain.  He was introduced to a new form of dance that was slower, softer more elegant and expressive.  He struggled with the facts that this new dance form was something less because it did not seem as physically hard on his body.   Was he a wimp for enjoying it? Did it make him less of a dancer? What he did know is that somewhere inside he liked it but it challenged some of his learned ideas.

So, if something is not physically hard than what does that say about you? What does it prove about you? Why were you doing it in the first place? 

That got me back to my original thought - What motivates us? What drive us?

I cast a look back through the years, over many scenarios to figure out what was my motivation to continue in the tough and not so tough times. What made me be able to take those last steps while running sprints in basketball practice when my legs were burning and my body exhausted?  What allowed me to continue after being repeatedly rejected by US Veterinary schools?  How did I keep studying and preparing for National Board Exams when my brain felt like mush and it did not have any capacity left.  What did I tell myself everyday to go to work in spite of the severe fatigue that made it almost impossible to lift my arms or the pain in my feet and joints.

At first, I answered the same for all the scenarios - Shear Will Power.  I just pulled myself up by my boot straps and forged on. That is what I thought was what one did.  However, was that really what was behind MY motivation to keep moving forward? After further reflection and much resistance on my part I realized that there were much deeper reasons and those reasons really shaped how I lived my life.

Sometimes it was fear of being last, fear of failure, fear that if I didn’t continue I would just give up. Fear of what others would say about me. Not wanting to disappoint my family, teachers, coaches and team mates. If I stopped it meant I was lazy and did not have what it took to succeed.  And worst of all, the idea that it meant I was weak.  Weak physically, mentally and/or emotionally.  

Using my will power to avoid any of these reasons took and takes a lot of energy.  Then I started to think about the horses and dogs that against all odds are triumphant.  What were they doing different? What was motivating them?  Their strength came from their heart.   You can see it in their faces they are doing the impossible from their heart. They look happy and free.  They look like they are beaming with light, and joy.  This is so very different than when I use my will power.  Using will power takes energy.  I feel like I have to consolidate and muster up the energy to make it happen.  If I took a picture of that use of will power, my energy fields would probably look drawn in, consolidated, tight.  And I am drained and exhausted in the end.

The animals have it right.  Open your heart and and let it flow.  What a concept.

Happy New Year